i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
