I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
