I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
