Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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