He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
