basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
