It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
soo... how was my night?
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