you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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