Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
