just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
