All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
