Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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