She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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