Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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