nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
