WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
