can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
