I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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