I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
