a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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