so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
