I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
