Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
