just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
