Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
