my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
