just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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