i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
