Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
