Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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