Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
