Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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