There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
