I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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