dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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