I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
