Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
