He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
