i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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