her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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