So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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