Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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