Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
