Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
