I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
