In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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