my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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