you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
