Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
