Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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